Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst joins M. Curtis McCoy to discuss growth, fatherhood, and emotional mastery openly and honestly. She breaks down how boys learn to manage their feelings, how dads lead with presence, and why daily reflection can change families. Her framework—“Read, Reflect, Respond: The 3 Rs of Growth and Change”—gives you clear steps you can use tonight. This is practical, honest, and built for real life.
Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst on “Success, Motivation & Inspiration” – Growth, Fatherhood, and Emotional Mastery
Why this episode matters
- Men are taught to shut down emotion.
- Boys lose words for what they feel.
- Fathers want connection but lack tools.
- Leaders pay for it at work and at home.
- Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst lays out a practical path forward.
- Her book, Read, Reflect, Respond – The 3 Rs of Growth and Change, gives you a simple daily practice to change your life.
You want better relationships. You want stronger leadership. You want a calmer home. Start with Read, Reflect, Respond – The 3 Rs of Growth and Change by Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst Buy the book. Use it for 10 minutes a day. Build traction you can feel.
Meet Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst
- Licensed psychologist with five decades of experience.
- Works with preschoolers, teens, adults, couples, and families.
- Trained in Emotion Focused Therapy and Internal Family Systems.
- Offers practical guidance that fits real life.
- Speaks to fathers, husbands, and high performers in plain language.
Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst’s focus: reconnect people with the full range of human emotion. Her message: you can learn this at any age. Her method: clear steps and repeatable habits.
Core idea: boys, men, fathers—reclaim the full range
- Boys are born with a broader range of emotional expression than girls.
- Culture trains boys to mute the “soft” side.
- They keep anger. They keep irritation. They lose tenderness.
- That loss hurts connection, health, and longevity.
- Men without healthy outlets get sick, get stuck, or get in trouble.
Want a different outcome for your son—or for yourself? You need a structure to relearn the language of feeling. That structure is in Read, Reflect, Respond – The 3 Rs of Growth and Change.
The book that makes change simple
Title: Read, Reflect, Respond – The 3 Rs of Growth and Change – by Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst
How it works
- One page: short story or insight.
- Facing page: blank space to react.
- Prompts guide you.
- You can write. You can sketch. You can scribble.
- You unlock words, images, and actions your brain already holds.
Why the blank page matters
- Your brain stores experience as language, pictures, and action.
- Lines force language only.
- A blank page frees all three.
- You access feelings you could not name before.
- You create momentum instead of rumination.
Who should buy it
- Fathers raising boys.
- Men leading teams.
- Couples rebuilding trust.
- Parents who want connection before correction.
- Anyone ready to break old patterns.
Use the book for 10 minutes a day. Pick any entry. Do not wait for the “right” time. Start today.
Connection before correction: a new parenting lens
Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst’s stance is direct:
- If a child is belligerent or disrespectful, look for disconnection first.
- Scan the household dynamic.
- Ask: have emotional needs been missed?
- If the issue is not physiological, you can rebuild the bond.
- Repair leads behavior change.
- Shame does not teach maturity.
Tactical moves for parents
- Sit face to face 15–20 minutes daily.
- Use simple check-ins: “What did you feel today?”
- Keep tone steady.
- Hold firm boundaries without sarcasm.
- Model naming emotions, not just punishing behavior.
- Pair consequences with repair steps.
- Use one entry from Read, Reflect, Respond – The 3 Rs of Growth and Change each week with your child or teen.
On the field or court
- If the kid drops a ball, the lesson is not “don’t cry.”
- The lesson is “recover fast, then process feelings later.”
- Performance in the moment. Reflection after.
- That’s the three Rs in action.
For fathers: how to be strong and emotionally fluent
Strength and feeling are not opposites. They are partners.
What to practice
- Say what you feel without apology.
- Use direct words: “I felt dismissed in that meeting.”
- Replace rage with precision.
- Keep your body calm while your words get specific.
- Pick one daily prompt from the book.
- Share one truth with your spouse or your son.
Break the old rule: “men don’t feel”
- Men do feel.
- Men who feel and speak clearly lead better.
- Men who connect live longer.
- Men who respond instead of react build trust at home and work.
Buy the book. Keep it on your desk. Make it a daily rep, like lifting.
Health is emotional
Ulcers. High blood pressure. Exhaustion. Bodies hold what mouths won’t say.
Action plan
- Map one recurring symptom.
- Open the book to any story.
- Reflect on the last time that symptom flared.
- Write or sketch what you were feeling before the spike.
- Pick one small Respond step to address the root, not just the symptom.
Repeat three times this week. Watch your baseline stress shift.
Couples: 20 minutes that change the tone of your home
Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst’s couple routine is simple:
- Sit facing each other for 15–20 minutes a day.
- No phones.
- Read each other’s nonverbal cues.
- Share something real, not logistics.
- Use one prompt from Read, Reflect, Respond – The 3 Rs of Growth and Change.
- End with one physical cue of safety: a 30-second hug.
Why facing matters: Over 90% of communication is nonverbal. You cannot fix what you refuse to look at.
Can’t get your teen to open up? Drive. Face forward. Let the road do the work. Ask one open question. Listen.
Leadership: from reaction to response
Your team watches your nervous system. If you spike, they spike. If you label feelings with accuracy, they settle.
Weekly manager cadence using the book
- Read: open a single entry Monday morning.
- Reflect: write three bullet notes about your triggers last week.
- Respond: define one behavior you will model at the next stand-up.
Examples
- “In 1:1s, I will ask ‘What feels stuck?’ before giving advice.”
- “When timelines slip, I will state the impact, then ask for a plan.”
- “I will label one of my own feelings in front of the team once this week.”
You create a culture where emotion serves execution. You still drive results. You remove drama.
Men’s groups and peer practice
Want faster growth? Bring other men into it.
How to run a 60-minute men’s circle with the book
- 0–10: Silent Read of one entry.
- 10–25: Private Reflect with pen or sketch.
- 25–55: Round-robin shares. No fixing. Three minutes each.
- 55–60: Each man states one Respond step for the next 48 hours.
Keep it weekly. Keep it strict. Keep it safe. Watch your lives change.
Boys need the full range
Key truths from work with preschoolers
- Preschoolers are honest and present.
- They feel everything.
- They teach us what we unlearn.
For dads and coaches
- Praise bravery and tenderness.
- Give language for both.
- “You played hard” and “You showed kindness” live side by side.
- After a mistake, teach recovery first, reflection second.
- Use the book’s prompts to help boys name specific feelings: proud, ashamed, jealous, lonely, hopeful, grateful.
You’re building a future man who can love, decide, and lead.
The science under the hood (kept practical)
Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT)
- Emotions drive meaning and choice.
- You process feelings to change patterns.
- Validation reduces reactivity.
- Clear naming unlocks new behavior.
Internal Family Systems (IFS)
- We all have parts.
- Some parts protect. Some parts hold pain.
- You meet parts with curiosity, not contempt.
- You integrate, not exile.
You do not need a PhD to use this. The book translates these models into daily steps. That is the point of Read, Reflect, Respond – The 3 Rs of Growth and Change by Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst.
A 14-day starter plan
Day 1–2
- Set a 10-minute window you can keep.
- Open the book to any page. Read once.
- Write three words that fit what rises up.
Day 3–4
- Reflect with two sentences:
- “I notice I avoid…”
- “I want to try…”
Day 5–6
- Respond with one action at home.
- Example: “Tonight I’ll sit face to face for 15 minutes.”
Day 7
- Respond with one action at work.
- Example: “In the stand-up, I’ll name one feeling and one plan.”
Day 8–9
- Read a new entry.
- Underline one surprise.
Day 10–11
- Reflect on one trigger you mishandled this week.
- Write what you felt before anger.
Day 12–13
- Respond with a repair.
- “I was short with you yesterday. I felt overwhelmed. I’m sorry. Here’s what I’ll do next time.”
Day 14
- Review all notes.
- Circle one pattern you will track for 30 days.
- Keep the same time block.
- Keep going.
This is not therapy in a book. This is a practice in a book. Buy it. Use it. Repeat.
For teachers and school leaders
Classrooms suffer when respect collapses. You can’t teach over chronic dysregulation. You can model calm and train language.
Mini-protocol using the three Rs
- Read: one short narrative that matches a common conflict.
- Reflect: two quiet minutes to jot how students felt last time it happened.
- Respond: each student writes one sentence they could use next time (“I need a break,” “That crossed a line,” “Let’s solve this after class”).
Pair with consistent boundaries. Connection first. Correction second. Results follow.
For founders and executives
Pressure exposes your inner script. If the only word you have is “pissed,” your team pays the tax.
Quarterly rhythm with the book
- Pick 12 entries.
- Tie each to a leadership theme: feedback, conflict, hiring, trust, pacing, recovery, focus, accountability, vision, gratitude, decision speed, closure.
- Run a 20-minute three-Rs block every Friday.
- Share one Respond action in the exec channel.
This is not soft. This is operational. It reduces churn. It builds a culture where hard truths can land.
Practical scripts you can steal
When you feel disrespected at work
- “I felt dismissed in that exchange. Here’s what I need next time.”
- “Let’s reset. The goal is X. I’ll own Y. Please handle Z.”
When your kid mouths off
- “I hear the frustration. I won’t accept disrespect. We’ll talk in 10 minutes. Then we fix it together.”
- Later: use one prompt from the book and complete a Respond step together.
When your spouse withdraws
- “I miss you. I want 15 minutes face to face tonight. No phones.”
- Use the book to choose a topic.
- End with a 30-second hug.
When you feel rage building in traffic
- “My body is hot and tight. Under that I feel small. I choose to breathe and let this go.”
- That sentence is a Respond move.
- Write later about what “small” meant.
Why this belongs in your bag, not your nightstand
- Short entries fit busy lives.
- Blank pages invite real reactions.
- You can start anywhere.
- You can use it alone, with a partner, or with a group.
- Men, women, teens, and leaders can all apply it without jargon.
Bring it to coffee. Use it at lunch. Open it before bed. Ten minutes moves the needle.
What high performers learn fast
- Anger is often a secondary feeling.
- Under anger you find hurt, fear, shame, envy, fatigue, or grief.
- Naming the primary feeling lowers the charge.
- When charge drops, choice returns.
- When choice returns, leadership works.
Read, Reflect, Respond – The 3 Rs of Growth and Change by Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst turns that into a habit. No drama. Just reps.
Fatherhood without the old script
You can be a strong man who feels deeply. You can be direct without being cold. You can raise boys who become men that love well.
Daily father habits tied to the book
- After school: “Name one feeling from today.”
- Before lights out: “What do you want to try tomorrow?”
- Weekend debrief: pick one entry, do three Rs together, then shoot hoops.
Your son learns to recover fast and reflect well. He wins on the field and at home.
When you need extra help
Some problems need a guide. That is not weakness. That is wisdom.
- Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst uses EFT and IFS to help individuals and couples.
- She also consults online.
- You can pair sessions with the book to speed results.
- You control the pace.
- You decide the goal.
- You measure progress by behavior in the real world.
Keep the three Rs running between sessions. That is how change sticks.
What gives hope
- People long for connection.
- Short, honest practices restore it.
- Families that sit and speak face to face get better together.
- Teams that label feelings execute better.
- Men who learn new words for old pain stop bleeding on the people they love.
It starts with one page. Then one choice. Then one new result.
Fast FAQ
Do I need to read the book in order?
No. Open anywhere. Do the three Rs.
What if I hate journaling?
Good. You don’t need to be a writer. You can draw, scribble, or map. The page is blank on purpose.
How long does it take?
Ten minutes can shift your day. Keep it short and steady.
Is this only for men?
No. Women use it. Couples use it. Parents use it with teens. Leaders use it with teams.
What if my family is slammed with activities?
Protect 15–20 minutes to sit face to face. That single routine will change the tone of your home. Pair it with one entry a week.
The move to make today
- Get Read, Reflect, Respond – The 3 Rs of Growth and Change by Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst
- Block 10 minutes on your calendar.
- Open the first page you see.
- Read. Reflect. Respond.
- Tell one person what you will do differently in the next 24 hours.
Do not wait. Buy the book. Lead at home. Lead at work. Live longer. Love better.
Closing takeaways from the episode
- Boys start with a wide emotional range. Culture narrows it.
- Men pay for it in health, relationships, and performance.
- Fathers can model a new path with clear language and calm presence.
- Couples can rebuild safety with daily face-to-face time and one small repair.
- Leaders can set tone by naming feelings and choosing responses.
- Read, Reflect, Respond – The 3 Rs of Growth and Change is the daily tool that makes this easy.
You watched a fast, honest conversation. You got the steps. Now execute. Buy the book. Do the work. The results will show up where it matters most.